juniorcollegehumor

Going to College

2005-12-27T18:51:00.000-08:00

I figure there's only two or three people who actually read this, so I'm under the impression that everyone reading this knows I'm headed to UC Irvine in two weeks. But, In case you've stumbled upon this blog and don't personally know me, you now know I'm headed to UCI.

I've decided that I won't stop this blog just because I'm going to a real college now. I'm sure that there are a nice deal of stupid people at Irvine. Maybe not as many as Pierce, but there are stupid people everywhere.

Of course I'll have to change the title and all the small details, but the main premise will be the same. I'm just going to make fun of stupid people and write about random stuff I overhear. As an added bonus, at least for me, I'll be able to participate and write about the drunken debauchery I am a part of because I live at college instead of commuting. Hooray.

On another note I just ran spell check on this and something funny happened. I find it ironic that the blog website's spellchecker does not recognize 'blog' as a word.

It's Been A While

2005-12-27T18:38:00.000-08:00

It's officially winter break for me, which means my life consists of sleeping until noon, not putting on pants for as long as possible, and staying out until all hours of the night.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, that's a valid question, and I'll give you a valid response. I was just lying in my bed, considering weather to take a nap, go to the gym, or just sit and do nothing.

Right next to my bed, under my desk, is a big pile of crap. The pile consists of random papers, a few CD's, and some textbooks still in their wrappers. (I spent $500 on textbooks this semester and only used ONE on a frequent basis.)

Anyways, on top of the pile was a paper which I had scribbled some philosophy notes on. And by scribble philosophy notes I mean I wrote down some stupid stuff I overheard, and doodled over the paper. But I did write down a funny conversation that arose between my teacher and my friend valid. (I've mentioned Vlad previously but I've referred to him as Stalin. I don't mean that in a bad way like he's responsible for killing 40 million Russians, I called him Stalin cause he's Russian. And he's missing a few marbles.)

Our class was talking about war and for some reason Vlad said, An army of one."

My teacher responded to whatever Vlad was talking about and said, "You know the first thing I the ought of when I heard that?"

Vlad ponders the question for a minute and says, "The Borg?"

Bravo Vlad. Bravo.

Can You Get A Degree In That?

2005-12-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

I was eating a bag of chips in my philosophy class today. I was throwing them up in the air and catching them in my mouth, somthing I'm very good at.

My teacher noticed what I was doing and said, "That's pretty good, what degree do they offer for throwing chips into your mouth?"

"That's easy," I said, "Its called sociology."

I've Become the Fat Chick

2005-12-04T23:17:00.000-08:00

Allow me to analogize for a moment.

You wanted to pick up the 10 star at the beginning of the night, but she's having none of your loser ass. It's time to lower your standards and settle for the porker in the corner. You know who I'm talking about. Her friend always invite her becuase she makes them more attractive.

Now that you're good and drunk you're gonna take Jabba the Hutt home with you. Just think, all it took was the offer of some tacos.

I have become the fat chick.

UC Irvine didn't accept me in the Fall because they were going for the 10 star, but like at the bar the 10 star wants nothing to do with Irvine, and like the fat chick at the bar, UC Irvine has come crawling to me.

And like the fat chick who loves tacos I've decided to accept the offer.

Is This the End of Juniorcollegehumor?

2005-12-04T19:52:00.000-08:00

I have good news and bad news. First the good, I have recieved news that it will most likely be possible for me to enroll at UC Irvine for the winter quarter, if I chose to do so. But doing so would bring to the end juniorcollegehumor.com, as I will no longer be in junior college.

Sure, I could feasibly create a new blog college "college humor" but its been done. Actually there is a collegehumor.com and it happens to be really funny. There will still be many stupid people to make fun of at real college, but the concept won't be original and won't be as funny.

If given the chance to jump from a junior college to a university I'd imagine that most people would immideatly jump at the offer. But I am not so sure. I wasn't really considering UCI anymore. Right now I'm in the middle of two applications, USC and Loyola-Marymount again. I figured I'd apply to those schools, and possibly wait a second year and try to get into UCSB, San Diego, or even Berkeley. But UCI threw a wicked curveball and I have two weeks to respond.

In making this important decision I must weigh the pros and cons. First I'll list the pros.

1. Living by myself.
2. Hot chicks
3. Hot Asian chicks
4. Its not the Valley
5. Hot Asian chicks
6. Leaving behind all my friends

And now the cons
1. I will no longer be able to write blogs about junior college while sitting on my toliet. (Which I am doing right now)
2. No more small classes
3. No car (I'm not taking it with me)
4. I won't be able to ski. (I just bought $500 skis on Friday night and if I go to Irvine I won't be taking them with me.)
5. In leaving behind all my remaining friends I'm leaving two friends I care about.

But its funny, I actually don't want to leave my school. I like it. My classes are small, and taught by professors who actaully care. I've made two or three new friends who are pretty cool, and I actually like the classes I'm taking.

I know I'll probably like the classes I'm taking at UCI too, but I'm not sure I want to throw away what I have going for me a JC right now. I guess its like Hamlet's soliquily. "To be or not to be."

I guess that's the question.

Should I stay and face what I know? Go to JC for a while longer, take some intersting classes and maybe learn somthing?

Or should I face the unknown and leave home? Go and venture into the New World, or as Willie Shakespeare put it "the Undiscovered Country" (Irvine) and face a new challange.

I don't know. I guess I have two weeks to decide. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Lets say I fucked up completly in my classes the next two weeks and bomb my finals. Then UCI won't want me and I'll be stuck at JC in a worse position than I started.

Will I make the trek 73.1 miles down the freeway to the Undiscovered Country called Irvine? Dunno yet.

Maybe. Maybe not. But I am seriously considering it.

Robert Frost is Santa Clause and More Reasons Why I'm An Asshole

2005-12-01T00:45:00.000-08:00

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Well I don't know about you but to me this poem is about Santa Clause trying to deliver presents on 'darkest evening of the year.' Or as us Jews call it, Christmas.

But alas I'm wrong, and this poem has a deeper meaning. Not that I discovered it, much to the anger of my English teacher. Apperently I'm a smartass. I could go on and on discussin the 'deeper meaning' of this Frost poem, but I really don't care.

Not that it isn't a great poem because it is. And as far as poets go Frost is one of my favorites, which says somthing, because in my opinion poetry ranks somewhere between anal rape and Brady Bunch reruns.

To sum it up real quickly the poem has somthing to do with death or dying. About how death is slowly coming. Somthing like that, maybe I'm wrong, I'm not sure. Like I said, I thought this poem was about Santa Clause delivering toys for Christmas.

Since I am one of the few non-mouth breathers in my Enlgish class my teacher called on me analyze the poem and discuss his meaning. When most people look at poetry the first thing they do is try to figure out what it means. Poetry tends to be vague and crappy. It usually makes you think about waht is actually being said. Thanks to my 11th grade American Lit. class whenever I look at a poem the first thing I do is analyze its structure.

Fuck meaning, I need to figure out if its written in pentamater or unrhymed trimmiter. Fuck deep thoughts, what's the rhyme sceme?

Quickly looking at the poem I figured out that in each couplet (hey I remembered somthing from 11th grade. Sweet.) lines one and four have consonance. (Consonance, right?) Know/snow, queer/year, shake/flake, deep/sleep.

According to my teacher there's an important reason why the final line is repeated. He asked me if I knew why this was.

"Well that's obvious. The rhyme sceme has the fisrt and fourth lines rhyming, so he repeated the last line to keep the rhyme scheme in proper meter."

Right? Makes sense to me. Not like there could be a deeper meaning or somthing. Like I said, I thought this poem was about Santa Clause.

My teacher lost it. "If you could stop being a smartass for 5 minutes you could actually be somthing. Try again son, and this time give me the real reason why Frost repeated the last line twice."

The actual answer is that Frost repeated the line so the reader could understand the deeper meaning of the poem and realize the importance of the last line. But saying that was too easy, I'm a smartass.

And I still stand by that this poem is about Santa Clause. And the last line is repeated only becuase Frost wanted to keep the poem's meter correct. Frost wasn't going for a deeper 'metaphorical' meaning, he wanted his goddamn poem about Santa Claue to rhyme. End of story.

The Philosophy of Coke

2005-11-29T21:46:00.000-08:00

Standing outside after my philosophy class I was approached by one my classmates.

"Hey man, can I talk to you overhere for a minute?" He said.

I was pretty sure he was about to come on to me, but I went overthere with him anyways.

He looked at me and said, "Hey man, you got any yea?"

I kinda assumed 'yea' gay slang for somthing, but I went along anyways. "What's yea? You mean weed?"

"No man...yea...you know...yea...coke man...coke." Ah, coke. Everything made sense. He didn't have a gay look in his eyes, he was coked out.

"(Long silence) Umm...I don't do coke." I said.

"Ah man. I thought you did. Shit. Oh well." Then he walked away.

Think about it, would I be this fat if I did coke?

Economically Speaking

2005-11-29T21:14:00.000-08:00

In econ today we were discussing the Federal Reserve System. At least I think we were. I was too busy playing with my springloaded pen to pay attention. I had taken the spring out of my pen, and replaced it with a three inch long super-spring.

Obviously nothing good could come of this, and I found that out today. While I was playing with the spring and trying to screw the pen together, I accidently let go and the pencap flew clear across the entire room bounching off the chalkboard and narrowly avoiding my teacher.

Oops.

Eventually I learned that we were infact talking about the Federal Reserve and my teacher brought up Alan Greenspan. "You know, I've been teaching economics since Alan Greenspan's been the chairman of the Federal Reserve." (Greenspan became the chairman in late 1986 or 1987.)

"Wow, do you realize that means you've been teaching econ since before I was born?" I said.

I think she got pretty depressed, becuase she let class out about a half hour early.

Sleeping with the Stars

2005-11-29T00:50:00.000-08:00

I fell asleep in astronomy today. I'm not sure how my teacher knew, but I'm pretty sure the sunglasses were a dead giveaway.

Luckily it turns out about half the class was asleep so he mad at must me. "NASA spends millions of dollars for pictures of this stuff and you guys are sleeping," he said. "But its ok, because I'm sure all of you are sleeping because you were up late last night practicing astronomy."

"Does staying up late to watch Star Trek count as astronomy?" I asked, "Becuase in that case I study astronomy a lot."

He was not amused.

A Serious Entry

2005-11-22T00:15:00.000-08:00

I had a interesting day to say the least. I completly butt-fucked my econ test, but more important was the conversation I overheard while taking the test.

I missed my econ class week to go to Mississippi, and I had to make-up a test today during my professor's office hours .

I went to my teacher's office to take it, and while I waited I got to enjoy the conversation a few other professors were having. I don't know everything they talked about and most of it was really unimportant(I do actually remember most of it, but none of it is revelent to the story).

What jumped out from their conversation I will repost here verbatum, with no artistic liscense taken:

Prof #1: ...Good luck with the job you're taking. (not exact quote, but to the same extent)
Prof #2: (talking about taking new job somewhere else) Ya, I think so too, although I was looking at the job SC was offering.
Prof #1: USC is downtown and you know what the problem with downtown is? There's a lot more niggers.
Prof #2: Ya, and they you have to walk to your car alone at night.

I'm kinda considering letting this die and not saying thing about it, but there's a part of me that knows that this isn't right and I should do somthing about it. So far I've had nothing bad to say about the faculty at my school, overall it's been great. I like my teachers and my classes.

I spent the weekend in Mississippi, and didn't hear the word 'nigger' once. I'm not saying nobody said it, because racism is generally everywhere, but I didn't hear it.
Until yesteray I was pretty sure that we have progressed enough that you would never, ever, expect to hear a professor to say somthing like, "there's a lot more niggers there."

Mississippi Here I Come

2005-11-17T00:13:00.000-08:00

I'm going to Mississippi tomorow. I'll be back Sunday. Picture to come.

Until then.

www.meatspin.com

Test

2005-11-16T19:39:00.000-08:00

Test

This is Epic Rap

2005-11-16T00:22:00.000-08:00

I had a story but it wasn't funny and it didn't actually happen. But I was on one of my message boards tonite and someone posted a link to this song:

http://media.putfile.com/7th-Floor-Crew

This is by far the greatest rap song I've heard in a while. The story behind it is that the song was recorded by the University of Miami football team. Its epic I tell you. Listen to it.

Here's some of the best lines out of the song:

"Throw the legs up and stick it in the butt...Drop my drawres and let them see my third leg..."

"On my balls, on my dick, then I but a nut quick. On her face on her chest, stick my dick between her breast. Come on fellas let get weird, stick yo' dick up in her ear."

That's rap.

Don't Scratch Your Balls If You Write on a Chalk Board

2005-11-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

My astronomy professor is a great guy. He's really smart, and a great teacher, but I think all the years of research have made him a little absent minded.

He writes a lot of things on our blackbaord, but never uses an eraser. Instead he wipes everything off with his hands, which would be fine, if he didn't decide to scratch his balls in the middle of class.

Dusty hands+ ball scratching= funny situation.

Seriously you try paying attention to the formation of double lobed galaxies when the guy explaining it to you has chalk all over his crotch.

Good times.

Economics Can Be Fun

2005-11-13T17:20:00.000-08:00

In the middle of class my teacher suddenly blurts out, "I had a dream about the marginal propencity to cousume last night."

Someone asked if that happens often and she goes, "Ya, I usually have that dream once a week or so."

...

Not everyone in my class is very smart. Later in class my teacher asked, "Does anyone know which president in the 1960's raised taxes to stimulate the economy?"

Someone yells out, "Jimmy Carter?"

That my friend is why you are at Pierce.

The Difference Between Us

2005-11-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

I talked to one of my friend up at Berkeley toay and we had a nice converation. I'm supposted to go up to Berkeley this weekend, to see some of my friend. Coming with me is supposed to be my friend's girlfriend, and another friend of mine, but none of us have a ride up.

We started talking and my friend asked if I had any ideas how I was going to get up there. I said I was thinking about trying to find a neutron star and a partical accelarator to create a wormhole from here to Berkeley. I figure that eight weeks of community college astronomy has given me enough knowledge and expierence to create a wormhole and exlpain the spacetime problem that has plagued mondern day astronomy.

My friend listened to me and goes, "Hmm...I'll ask my astronomy professor about that tomorrow, he's up for the Nobel Prize."

Guess that the difference between a University and junior college.

Meeting New People

2005-11-08T00:05:00.000-08:00

I've met a few new people so far at my school. I wouldn't say I'm anti-social, but I haven't gone out of my way to meet new people. I'm trying leave as soon as possible, so making new friends isn't high on my list.

Though I have met a few intesting people. By my count I've met 6 new people who I talk to on a frequent basis. I've also restablished a friendship I had with someone who I haven't talked to in a long time.

I was standing outside my astronomy class today and I decided to go have a smoke. The only problem was I didn't have a lighter on me, but I saw two older women (30-35 years old) sitting on a bench smoking.

Seeing an oppertunity to not only smoke, but perhaps meet two semi-attractive older women, I approached them and asked for a light. Women #1 looked up at me and said, "Aren't you a little young to be smoking?"

I looked back at her and said, "Aren't you a little old to be at community college?"

Were going out for coffee on Thursday.

Never Fear I'm Still Here

2005-11-04T00:53:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated in a while. But don't worry I have not decided to become a productive member of societ, I've just been kinda busy.

And by busy I mean lazy.

Whenever someone says somthing really funny or really stupid that I want to write about I write it in my notebook. But since I don't have any homework (even if I did I probably wouldn't do it) I rarely open my backpack at home, so my notebook never comes out.

A lot of times I have good ideas and start thinking about them in my head but forget when I get home. Sometimes somthing really funny happens, but I don't remember enough of the dialogue to make it worth writing, so I end up not talking about it.

I promise I'll have a update soon with some actual funny stories.

Until then I suggest you try this website: www.meatspin.com

You can thank me later.

Wrong Answers...And Other Things I Learned Today

2005-10-24T23:53:00.000-07:00

Today my teacher told us about the Ephermal butterfly, a butterfly so rare it only lives for one day. Some days it rains.

Later we read a story on abortion, it was great. My teacher asked us to describe the image that sumed the story up for us. The image I came up with was a coat hanger. My teacher did not agree.

In my philosophy class there's this Russian guy I know. I went to high school with him, and he's pretty much a genius, but he's a bit odd. I mean very odd. But he's a great guy. This probably won't be funny because you probably don't know him, but this is my blog so lets assume you do.

Our philosophy tests are pretty straight forward true/false tests. If the question is true you mark true, and if its fale you have to explain what the right answwer.

This does not please Stalin, he has other plans.

He asks the teacher, "What eff, we think the answer iz true, but we vant to explain vhy it's right?"

My teacher gets quite tying to figure out what he was just asked and goes, "You know, Stalin, nobody's ever asked me that before."

That probably wasn't funny, unless you know who Stalin actually is.

This has nothing to do with college

2005-10-05T01:30:00.000-07:00

Ugly people shop at Target. I found that out on Sunday. I saw two midgets, one black and one white shopping there together. That itself is funny, but just to make things better they were lesibans.

Here is me telling my friend what happened

Person5879: but i was two midgets at target yesterday
Person5879: one was black and one was white
Person5879: and they were lesbians
Nano****18: OMGZ
Person5879: my brain was going in so many different directions right then
Nano****18: You should have pointed at them
Nano****18: And made them feel extremely uncomfortable

You don't realize how many different ways my mind was thinking when I saw this.

This was even better:

Even more funny:

Person5879: i saw the funniest thing ever at target on sunday before i crashed my moms car
$$$Lamp: lol what'd you see?
Person5879: i saw two midgets shopping there
Person5879: which in itself is funny
Person5879: but one was black and one was white
Person5879: which is funny
$$$Lamp: you're such a horrible person
Person5879: but they were lesbians
$$$Lamp: okay, that is hilarious
$$$Lamp: I hope you stole a camera to take a picture

One More:

Person5879: i saw the ugliest/funniest people at target ever on sunday
Caustic$$$$: aren't those people always at target?
Person5879: i saw midgets
Person5879: which is funny
Person5879: but I saw two midgets
Person5879: one black and one white
Person5879: and they were lesbians
Caustic$$$$: oh man...
Caustic$$$$: talk about an endangered species...
Person5879: ya, I'm a bad person
Person5879: there's a reason I can't keep relationships
Caustic$$$$: no, randy newman is a bad person.

Random Thoughts From English

2005-10-04T00:48:00.000-07:00

We were talking about World War I and the Balkans today and my teacher asks if anybody knew what happened in 1914, so I said, "that was the year the Archduke got shot." He asks who shot him so I say, "Garvilo Princip."

Then he starts talking and this girl raises her and asks who was the Archbishop who got shot. He explains it to her and she goes, "I think I saw that movie with Brad Pitt."

I started thinking, what if Brad Pitt taught English? I bet it would be somthing like this:

"Ok, do you want to learn how to write a 5-paragraph essay, or should I just stand up here and take my shirt off for the next two hours?"

Anyways, we went on with our somthing or other for a while and then we read a poem. The poem started somthing like, "I was on the corner of 4th and Lexington when I told my husband I needed an abortion."

Another girl asked if that was the thesis.

I believe my response was, "I'll get the plunger."

Lesbian Philosophy

2005-09-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

We were having a discussion in Philosophy today and my teacher brought up the arguement of weather homesexuality is a preference or orientation.

Our resident lesbian cleared everything up for us and said, "My orientation is lesbian, my preference is being handcuffed."

And that my friends is why I love philosophy.

High Comedy

2005-09-20T23:39:00.000-07:00

About a hout into my political science lecture today one of my classmates raised her hand to comment on our topic. here is here exact quote, written down by me right after she said it:

"We watched a video in my English class that proved that the government was behind the September 9/11 attack"

...
...
...

I can't make this stuff up.

My teacher, who's a pretty unbiased and fair guy, just kinda sat there for a minute. He asked her what her source was.

She said she didn't know but in the movie it showed that there was either a bomb strapped to the nose of the planes that crashed into the WTC and she knows this because she watched the video in slow motion. Either that or there was a fighter plane flying right under the 747 and it crashed into the building too.

My teacher started talking about reviosionist history, but by that point me and my friend were laughing too hard to pay attention.

She also believed that the whole Pentagon 9/11 was a conspiricy too and she bases this on the fact that the plane wreckage shown on TV wasn't big enough to match the plane. She's obviously not a chemistry or science major because well, besides the whole not forgetting to use the scientific methond thingy, she didn't think about the fact that its not just the airplane that does the damage, but THE HUNDEREDS OF GALLONS OF HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE JET FUEL.

Really, I can't make this stuff up if I tried.

On a good note I met a really hot Russian chick in that class.

It Never Ceases to Amaze Me

2005-09-16T01:06:00.000-07:00

You really haven't lived until you've been in a economics class that's half Iranian and half Persian. Espically when the teacher uses the Pet Rock as an example for supply and demant.

To a person born in America the pet rock was a stupid gimmick that was polular 30 years ago. Try explaining that to someone who's grown up in the Middle East.

"What is this pet rock you speak of?"

"Well back in the 1970's people would spend money on a rock with eyes and buy a house to put it in."

"Wait, you paid American money for this???"

"Ya, what were we thinking?"

"In my country I would spend eight hours in line to buy bread. The only thing we used rocks for were to throw at Israeli tanks?"

"Ya those pet rocks were somthing..."

I really love going to a school where in the middle of class my professor goes, "Oh by the way I should of told you girls this last week, but if you're gonna go to the bathroom during class take someone with you. We've had a lot of rapes on campus last year."

...
...
...
Well, I don't see how I can top that last one.

Real College

2005-09-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

My friend goes to real college. I'd like to consider transfering there. I have not heard one good reason against transfering there yet.

Here is a edited version of our AIM converstion from earlier today.

MK*******: so i had a journalism 101 test
Mk*******: i got 52 out of 50
Person5879: the sarcasm meter blew up
Mk*******: one of our questions was: What does CNN stand for? a) Cable News Network b) Chicken Noodle News c) Cable News Broadcast d) none of the above
Me: wow
Me: i mean wow
Me: you have yet to give me one reason not to transfer
Mk*******: lol
Mk*******: i'm taking algebra again, how is that fair?
Mk*******: and its the hardest math i have to take
Person5879: like I said, if I dont get into *** or any of the other 2 or 3 schools I apply to I'm going to (Unidentified school's name)
Mk*******: i will say this, its just so far from you family, you wouldnt be able to see them except long breaks
Me: again
Me: you have yet to give me a reason not to transfer

But things take a turn for the worse here-

Me: all you gotta do before I commit to Ole Miss is find me one Jew
Me: preferibly a woman
Me: and prefiberly semi-hot
Me: but I just wantto know I'm not the only one there
Mk*******: your not coming here then

The rebound!-

Me: are there a bunch of (purple) people at (school)?
MkSprlk16: i've seen a handful
MkSprlk16: more asians than i was expecting
MkSprlk16: but only one hot ones
MkSprlk16: you couldnt satisfy your yellow fever

DING DING DING. WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

What I Learned Today

2005-09-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day in my official English class. Due to circumstances outside my control I could not stay in the class with the gay teacher, the Farsi interpreter and the ASL lady.

Really I wanted to be in the class where the teacher told us that he can't wait to watch his 'babies' grow up. That's not scary. Not one bit.

My new class started with the teacher telling us, "You are all in this class because you read and write somewhere between the 8th and 10th grade level. What does that tell me?"

Apparently, "I should of tried harder in high school," is the wrong answer.

Later my teacher was trying to explain how we use pictures and words to tell a story, so he holds up a picture of Muhammad Ali from Apple's Think Different ad campaign from a few years ago.

"And what does this show," He asked the class.

"That Apple is trivializing Ali's social accomplishments to sell a few computers," Again, the wrong answer.

Twelve years of high school, and I still don't know when to shut up.

Asian Philosophy

2005-09-08T23:58:00.000-07:00

So I noticed somthing else about junior college today, There are a ton of strippers here. I am not yet sure this is a good thing, but it looks like a few of them are in my economics class. I like economics a lot better now.

Strippers are cool though because when they come to class they are either just getting off work, or getting ready to go to work. You can tell, because they are the only girls who are wearing 6-inch heels and miniskirts.

Asian Philosophy was great tonight. In fact it was so good I don't think I'm gonna go back next week. How good can an Asian philosophy class that doesnt study bukkake be?

I'm guessing not good, and its too bad, there were some hot girls in that class.

I met some more interesting people in that class. Not So Silent Bob, the fat rpg playing nerd, Lurlene, the 45 year old redneck, and the totally stoned guy were my favorites.

My teacher went around the room asking some of the people in the class why they chose it. Here are some of the gems I managed to write down.

#1
Teacher: Why did you decide to take this class?
Not So Slient Bob: Umm....I study Buddhism and Bushido.
(Translation: I play Final Fantasy...a lot.)

#2
Totally stoned guy: Trying to expand the mind, man.
(Translation: I'm stoned as fuck, man)
(Ed. note: he walked into class 25 minutes late wearing sun glasses. This class starts at 6:55 P.M. by the way.)

Nothing though can compare to what Lurlene had to say. This was great. The highlight of my day, week, month, ect.

#3
Teacher: Why did you decide to take this class?
40 year old redneck looking lady: Well I've studied metaphysics before.
Teacher: That's interesting, what did you study?
Redneck: Scientology
(Translation- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

Now if you'll excuese me I'm gonna go stab myself in the ear with a Q-tip.

Things Could Be Worse (Day 1)

2005-09-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

It could be worse, at least I'm not in the army.

My classes are interesting and my teachers are pretty cool for the most part. The only thing that really pisses me off so far, besides trouble finding parking, is that I hate people. Pierce is full of all the subspecies of people the world has grown to hate. Here's the list I've come up with:

Douche v2- Anyone who saw 40 Year Old Virgin should remember a scene where they go to the clinic and take the sex class thing. There's the Jewish kid with the red afro. Well I saw that kid at Pierce. Giant red afro, psudo-intellicetual glasses, $70 T-shirt, and Pumas.

Hippius Douchimus (Hippie Douche)- the subspecies of the normal douche, which can also be found on campus. The hippie douche is worse though. Armed with his birkenstock sandals and french beret he must interject his socialist theories into political science lectures.

Stupid fat guy- there seems to be many of these on campus. I'm not sure what they do, but they can most commonly be found in remedial math classes, taking up lots of space.

Smokers- I don't smoke, but I was thinking that one of the cool things about junior college is that's its like high school with ashtrays. But then I forgot that while smoking may infact be cool, smokers suck. I used to not mind smoke, but that was before I couldn't walk five feet without inhaling a Camel Red.

The Asian- are you lost or somthing? This is community college.
Subspecies- 12 year old Asian girl- We know you've started college incredibly early and that's great. Its impressive, but us rejects here are trying to take these (semi)hard classes so we can go to a real college too. We don't need you to argue with the teacher about the subtle differences between communism and marxism, that's a discussion for smart people college. This is Pierce.

My English teacher is the best though. Not only his he flaming gay, but he's a former marine. I don't know how that happened, but I really hope I get off the standby list into his class, he seems to be a interesting guy.

I sit next to Juan and Javier. I know I told everyone I wanted to be closer to 'my people' but I wasn't serious.

We have a translator and a ASL (sign language) person in our class. Today my teacher was doing the roll and he calls out, "Is (deaf girl's name) here?" Then he waits a minute and goes, "Oh she's deaf." And then he calls her name again.

My oceanography teacher was trying to explain to my class that George Bush is punishing California by not giving us money to repair the levees in the central valley, becasue we are a 'blue state'. He says a earthquake is gonna come to the central valley and knock out San Francisco, and we can stop it but the government won't because we aren't repubicans. I'm transfering into a bio class monday I hope.

You'd think after reading this that I'm not having any fun, but so far I'm having a pretty good time.