Going to College

I figure there's only two or three people who actually read this, so I'm under the impression that everyone reading this knows I'm headed to UC Irvine in two weeks. But, In case you've stumbled upon this blog and don't personally know me, you now know I'm headed to UCI.

I've decided that I won't stop this blog just because I'm going to a real college now. I'm sure that there are a nice deal of stupid people at Irvine. Maybe not as many as Pierce, but there are stupid people everywhere.

Of course I'll have to change the title and all the small details, but the main premise will be the same. I'm just going to make fun of stupid people and write about random stuff I overhear. As an added bonus, at least for me, I'll be able to participate and write about the drunken debauchery I am a part of because I live at college instead of commuting. Hooray.




On another note I just ran spell check on this and something funny happened. I find it ironic that the blog website's spellchecker does not recognize 'blog' as a word.

It's Been A While

It's officially winter break for me, which means my life consists of sleeping until noon, not putting on pants for as long as possible, and staying out until all hours of the night.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, that's a valid question, and I'll give you a valid response. I was just lying in my bed, considering weather to take a nap, go to the gym, or just sit and do nothing.

Right next to my bed, under my desk, is a big pile of crap. The pile consists of random papers, a few CD's, and some textbooks still in their wrappers. (I spent $500 on textbooks this semester and only used ONE on a frequent basis.)

Anyways, on top of the pile was a paper which I had scribbled some philosophy notes on. And by scribble philosophy notes I mean I wrote down some stupid stuff I overheard, and doodled over the paper. But I did write down a funny conversation that arose between my teacher and my friend valid. (I've mentioned Vlad previously but I've referred to him as Stalin. I don't mean that in a bad way like he's responsible for killing 40 million Russians, I called him Stalin cause he's Russian. And he's missing a few marbles.)

Our class was talking about war and for some reason Vlad said, An army of one."

My teacher responded to whatever Vlad was talking about and said, "You know the first thing I the ought of when I heard that?"

Vlad ponders the question for a minute and says, "The Borg?"

Bravo Vlad. Bravo.

Can You Get A Degree In That?

I was eating a bag of chips in my philosophy class today. I was throwing them up in the air and catching them in my mouth, somthing I'm very good at.

My teacher noticed what I was doing and said, "That's pretty good, what degree do they offer for throwing chips into your mouth?"

"That's easy," I said, "Its called sociology."

I've Become the Fat Chick

Allow me to analogize for a moment.

You wanted to pick up the 10 star at the beginning of the night, but she's having none of your loser ass. It's time to lower your standards and settle for the porker in the corner. You know who I'm talking about. Her friend always invite her becuase she makes them more attractive.

Now that you're good and drunk you're gonna take Jabba the Hutt home with you. Just think, all it took was the offer of some tacos.

I have become the fat chick.

UC Irvine didn't accept me in the Fall because they were going for the 10 star, but like at the bar the 10 star wants nothing to do with Irvine, and like the fat chick at the bar, UC Irvine has come crawling to me.

And like the fat chick who loves tacos I've decided to accept the offer.

Is This the End of Juniorcollegehumor?

I have good news and bad news. First the good, I have recieved news that it will most likely be possible for me to enroll at UC Irvine for the winter quarter, if I chose to do so. But doing so would bring to the end juniorcollegehumor.com, as I will no longer be in junior college.

Sure, I could feasibly create a new blog college "college humor" but its been done. Actually there is a collegehumor.com and it happens to be really funny. There will still be many stupid people to make fun of at real college, but the concept won't be original and won't be as funny.

If given the chance to jump from a junior college to a university I'd imagine that most people would immideatly jump at the offer. But I am not so sure. I wasn't really considering UCI anymore. Right now I'm in the middle of two applications, USC and Loyola-Marymount again. I figured I'd apply to those schools, and possibly wait a second year and try to get into UCSB, San Diego, or even Berkeley. But UCI threw a wicked curveball and I have two weeks to respond.

In making this important decision I must weigh the pros and cons. First I'll list the pros.

1. Living by myself.
2. Hot chicks
3. Hot Asian chicks
4. Its not the Valley
5. Hot Asian chicks
6. Leaving behind all my friends

And now the cons
1. I will no longer be able to write blogs about junior college while sitting on my toliet. (Which I am doing right now)
2. No more small classes
3. No car (I'm not taking it with me)
4. I won't be able to ski. (I just bought $500 skis on Friday night and if I go to Irvine I won't be taking them with me.)
5. In leaving behind all my remaining friends I'm leaving two friends I care about.

But its funny, I actually don't want to leave my school. I like it. My classes are small, and taught by professors who actaully care. I've made two or three new friends who are pretty cool, and I actually like the classes I'm taking.

I know I'll probably like the classes I'm taking at UCI too, but I'm not sure I want to throw away what I have going for me a JC right now. I guess its like Hamlet's soliquily. "To be or not to be."

I guess that's the question.

Should I stay and face what I know? Go to JC for a while longer, take some intersting classes and maybe learn somthing?

Or should I face the unknown and leave home? Go and venture into the New World, or as Willie Shakespeare put it "the Undiscovered Country" (Irvine) and face a new challange.

I don't know. I guess I have two weeks to decide. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Lets say I fucked up completly in my classes the next two weeks and bomb my finals. Then UCI won't want me and I'll be stuck at JC in a worse position than I started.

Will I make the trek 73.1 miles down the freeway to the Undiscovered Country called Irvine? Dunno yet.

Maybe. Maybe not. But I am seriously considering it.

Robert Frost is Santa Clause and More Reasons Why I'm An Asshole

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Well I don't know about you but to me this poem is about Santa Clause trying to deliver presents on 'darkest evening of the year.' Or as us Jews call it, Christmas.

But alas I'm wrong, and this poem has a deeper meaning. Not that I discovered it, much to the anger of my English teacher. Apperently I'm a smartass. I could go on and on discussin the 'deeper meaning' of this Frost poem, but I really don't care.

Not that it isn't a great poem because it is. And as far as poets go Frost is one of my favorites, which says somthing, because in my opinion poetry ranks somewhere between anal rape and Brady Bunch reruns.

To sum it up real quickly the poem has somthing to do with death or dying. About how death is slowly coming. Somthing like that, maybe I'm wrong, I'm not sure. Like I said, I thought this poem was about Santa Clause delivering toys for Christmas.

Since I am one of the few non-mouth breathers in my Enlgish class my teacher called on me analyze the poem and discuss his meaning. When most people look at poetry the first thing they do is try to figure out what it means. Poetry tends to be vague and crappy. It usually makes you think about waht is actually being said. Thanks to my 11th grade American Lit. class whenever I look at a poem the first thing I do is analyze its structure.

Fuck meaning, I need to figure out if its written in pentamater or unrhymed trimmiter. Fuck deep thoughts, what's the rhyme sceme?

Quickly looking at the poem I figured out that in each couplet (hey I remembered somthing from 11th grade. Sweet.) lines one and four have consonance. (Consonance, right?) Know/snow, queer/year, shake/flake, deep/sleep.

According to my teacher there's an important reason why the final line is repeated. He asked me if I knew why this was.

"Well that's obvious. The rhyme sceme has the fisrt and fourth lines rhyming, so he repeated the last line to keep the rhyme scheme in proper meter."

Right? Makes sense to me. Not like there could be a deeper meaning or somthing. Like I said, I thought this poem was about Santa Clause.

My teacher lost it. "If you could stop being a smartass for 5 minutes you could actually be somthing. Try again son, and this time give me the real reason why Frost repeated the last line twice."

The actual answer is that Frost repeated the line so the reader could understand the deeper meaning of the poem and realize the importance of the last line. But saying that was too easy, I'm a smartass.

And I still stand by that this poem is about Santa Clause. And the last line is repeated only becuase Frost wanted to keep the poem's meter correct. Frost wasn't going for a deeper 'metaphorical' meaning, he wanted his goddamn poem about Santa Claue to rhyme. End of story.

The Philosophy of Coke

Standing outside after my philosophy class I was approached by one my classmates.

"Hey man, can I talk to you overhere for a minute?" He said.

I was pretty sure he was about to come on to me, but I went overthere with him anyways.

He looked at me and said, "Hey man, you got any yea?"

I kinda assumed 'yea' gay slang for somthing, but I went along anyways. "What's yea? You mean weed?"

"No man...yea...you know...yea...coke man...coke." Ah, coke. Everything made sense. He didn't have a gay look in his eyes, he was coked out.

"(Long silence) Umm...I don't do coke." I said.

"Ah man. I thought you did. Shit. Oh well." Then he walked away.

Think about it, would I be this fat if I did coke?

Economically Speaking

In econ today we were discussing the Federal Reserve System. At least I think we were. I was too busy playing with my springloaded pen to pay attention. I had taken the spring out of my pen, and replaced it with a three inch long super-spring.

Obviously nothing good could come of this, and I found that out today. While I was playing with the spring and trying to screw the pen together, I accidently let go and the pencap flew clear across the entire room bounching off the chalkboard and narrowly avoiding my teacher.

Oops.


Eventually I learned that we were infact talking about the Federal Reserve and my teacher brought up Alan Greenspan. "You know, I've been teaching economics since Alan Greenspan's been the chairman of the Federal Reserve." (Greenspan became the chairman in late 1986 or 1987.)

"Wow, do you realize that means you've been teaching econ since before I was born?" I said.

I think she got pretty depressed, becuase she let class out about a half hour early.

Sleeping with the Stars

I fell asleep in astronomy today. I'm not sure how my teacher knew, but I'm pretty sure the sunglasses were a dead giveaway.

Luckily it turns out about half the class was asleep so he mad at must me. "NASA spends millions of dollars for pictures of this stuff and you guys are sleeping," he said. "But its ok, because I'm sure all of you are sleeping because you were up late last night practicing astronomy."

"Does staying up late to watch Star Trek count as astronomy?" I asked, "Becuase in that case I study astronomy a lot."

He was not amused.

A Serious Entry

I had a interesting day to say the least. I completly butt-fucked my econ test, but more important was the conversation I overheard while taking the test.

I missed my econ class week to go to Mississippi, and I had to make-up a test today during my professor's office hours .

I went to my teacher's office to take it, and while I waited I got to enjoy the conversation a few other professors were having. I don't know everything they talked about and most of it was really unimportant(I do actually remember most of it, but none of it is revelent to the story).

What jumped out from their conversation I will repost here verbatum, with no artistic liscense taken:

Prof #1: ...Good luck with the job you're taking. (not exact quote, but to the same extent)
Prof #2: (talking about taking new job somewhere else) Ya, I think so too, although I was looking at the job SC was offering.
Prof #1: USC is downtown and you know what the problem with downtown is? There's a lot more niggers.
Prof #2: Ya, and they you have to walk to your car alone at night.

I'm kinda considering letting this die and not saying thing about it, but there's a part of me that knows that this isn't right and I should do somthing about it. So far I've had nothing bad to say about the faculty at my school, overall it's been great. I like my teachers and my classes.

I spent the weekend in Mississippi, and didn't hear the word 'nigger' once. I'm not saying nobody said it, because racism is generally everywhere, but I didn't hear it.
Until yesteray I was pretty sure that we have progressed enough that you would never, ever, expect to hear a professor to say somthing like, "there's a lot more niggers there."

Mississippi Here I Come

I'm going to Mississippi tomorow. I'll be back Sunday. Picture to come.

Until then.

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