Lesbian Philosophy

We were having a discussion in Philosophy today and my teacher brought up the arguement of weather homesexuality is a preference or orientation.

Our resident lesbian cleared everything up for us and said, "My orientation is lesbian, my preference is being handcuffed."

And that my friends is why I love philosophy.

High Comedy

About a hout into my political science lecture today one of my classmates raised her hand to comment on our topic. here is here exact quote, written down by me right after she said it:

"We watched a video in my English class that proved that the government was behind the September 9/11 attack"

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I can't make this stuff up.

My teacher, who's a pretty unbiased and fair guy, just kinda sat there for a minute. He asked her what her source was.

She said she didn't know but in the movie it showed that there was either a bomb strapped to the nose of the planes that crashed into the WTC and she knows this because she watched the video in slow motion. Either that or there was a fighter plane flying right under the 747 and it crashed into the building too.

My teacher started talking about reviosionist history, but by that point me and my friend were laughing too hard to pay attention.

She also believed that the whole Pentagon 9/11 was a conspiricy too and she bases this on the fact that the plane wreckage shown on TV wasn't big enough to match the plane. She's obviously not a chemistry or science major because well, besides the whole not forgetting to use the scientific methond thingy, she didn't think about the fact that its not just the airplane that does the damage, but THE HUNDEREDS OF GALLONS OF HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE JET FUEL.

Really, I can't make this stuff up if I tried.

On a good note I met a really hot Russian chick in that class.

It Never Ceases to Amaze Me

You really haven't lived until you've been in a economics class that's half Iranian and half Persian. Espically when the teacher uses the Pet Rock as an example for supply and demant.

To a person born in America the pet rock was a stupid gimmick that was polular 30 years ago. Try explaining that to someone who's grown up in the Middle East.

"What is this pet rock you speak of?"

"Well back in the 1970's people would spend money on a rock with eyes and buy a house to put it in."

"Wait, you paid American money for this???"

"Ya, what were we thinking?"

"In my country I would spend eight hours in line to buy bread. The only thing we used rocks for were to throw at Israeli tanks?"

"Ya those pet rocks were somthing..."


I really love going to a school where in the middle of class my professor goes, "Oh by the way I should of told you girls this last week, but if you're gonna go to the bathroom during class take someone with you. We've had a lot of rapes on campus last year."

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Well, I don't see how I can top that last one.

Real College

My friend goes to real college. I'd like to consider transfering there. I have not heard one good reason against transfering there yet.

Here is a edited version of our AIM converstion from earlier today.

MK*******: so i had a journalism 101 test
Mk*******: i got 52 out of 50
Person5879: the sarcasm meter blew up
Mk*******: one of our questions was: What does CNN stand for? a) Cable News Network b) Chicken Noodle News c) Cable News Broadcast d) none of the above
Me: wow
Me: i mean wow
Me: you have yet to give me one reason not to transfer
Mk*******: lol
Mk*******: i'm taking algebra again, how is that fair?
Mk*******: and its the hardest math i have to take
Person5879: like I said, if I dont get into *** or any of the other 2 or 3 schools I apply to I'm going to (Unidentified school's name)
Mk*******: i will say this, its just so far from you family, you wouldnt be able to see them except long breaks
Me: again
Me: you have yet to give me a reason not to transfer

But things take a turn for the worse here-

Me: all you gotta do before I commit to Ole Miss is find me one Jew
Me: preferibly a woman
Me: and prefiberly semi-hot
Me: but I just wantto know I'm not the only one there
Mk*******: your not coming here then


The rebound!-

Me: are there a bunch of (purple) people at (school)?
MkSprlk16: i've seen a handful
MkSprlk16: more asians than i was expecting
MkSprlk16: but only one hot ones
MkSprlk16: you couldnt satisfy your yellow fever

DING DING DING. WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

What I Learned Today

Today was my first day in my official English class. Due to circumstances outside my control I could not stay in the class with the gay teacher, the Farsi interpreter and the ASL lady.

Really I wanted to be in the class where the teacher told us that he can't wait to watch his 'babies' grow up. That's not scary. Not one bit.


My new class started with the teacher telling us, "You are all in this class because you read and write somewhere between the 8th and 10th grade level. What does that tell me?"

Apparently, "I should of tried harder in high school," is the wrong answer.

Later my teacher was trying to explain how we use pictures and words to tell a story, so he holds up a picture of Muhammad Ali from Apple's Think Different ad campaign from a few years ago.

"And what does this show," He asked the class.

"That Apple is trivializing Ali's social accomplishments to sell a few computers," Again, the wrong answer.

Twelve years of high school, and I still don't know when to shut up.

Asian Philosophy

So I noticed somthing else about junior college today, There are a ton of strippers here. I am not yet sure this is a good thing, but it looks like a few of them are in my economics class. I like economics a lot better now.

Strippers are cool though because when they come to class they are either just getting off work, or getting ready to go to work. You can tell, because they are the only girls who are wearing 6-inch heels and miniskirts.


Asian Philosophy was great tonight. In fact it was so good I don't think I'm gonna go back next week. How good can an Asian philosophy class that doesnt study bukkake be?

I'm guessing not good, and its too bad, there were some hot girls in that class.

I met some more interesting people in that class. Not So Silent Bob, the fat rpg playing nerd, Lurlene, the 45 year old redneck, and the totally stoned guy were my favorites.

My teacher went around the room asking some of the people in the class why they chose it. Here are some of the gems I managed to write down.

#1
Teacher: Why did you decide to take this class?
Not So Slient Bob: Umm....I study Buddhism and Bushido.
(Translation: I play Final Fantasy...a lot.)


#2
Totally stoned guy: Trying to expand the mind, man.
(Translation: I'm stoned as fuck, man)
(Ed. note: he walked into class 25 minutes late wearing sun glasses. This class starts at 6:55 P.M. by the way.)

Nothing though can compare to what Lurlene had to say. This was great. The highlight of my day, week, month, ect.

#3
Teacher: Why did you decide to take this class?
40 year old redneck looking lady: Well I've studied metaphysics before.
Teacher: That's interesting, what did you study?
Redneck: Scientology
(Translation- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)


Now if you'll excuese me I'm gonna go stab myself in the ear with a Q-tip.

Things Could Be Worse (Day 1)

It could be worse, at least I'm not in the army.

My classes are interesting and my teachers are pretty cool for the most part. The only thing that really pisses me off so far, besides trouble finding parking, is that I hate people. Pierce is full of all the subspecies of people the world has grown to hate. Here's the list I've come up with:


Douche v2- Anyone who saw 40 Year Old Virgin should remember a scene where they go to the clinic and take the sex class thing. There's the Jewish kid with the red afro. Well I saw that kid at Pierce. Giant red afro, psudo-intellicetual glasses, $70 T-shirt, and Pumas.

Hippius Douchimus (Hippie Douche)- the subspecies of the normal douche, which can also be found on campus. The hippie douche is worse though. Armed with his birkenstock sandals and french beret he must interject his socialist theories into political science lectures.

Stupid fat guy- there seems to be many of these on campus. I'm not sure what they do, but they can most commonly be found in remedial math classes, taking up lots of space.

Smokers- I don't smoke, but I was thinking that one of the cool things about junior college is that's its like high school with ashtrays. But then I forgot that while smoking may infact be cool, smokers suck. I used to not mind smoke, but that was before I couldn't walk five feet without inhaling a Camel Red.

The Asian- are you lost or somthing? This is community college.
Subspecies- 12 year old Asian girl- We know you've started college incredibly early and that's great. Its impressive, but us rejects here are trying to take these (semi)hard classes so we can go to a real college too. We don't need you to argue with the teacher about the subtle differences between communism and marxism, that's a discussion for smart people college. This is Pierce.

My English teacher is the best though. Not only his he flaming gay, but he's a former marine. I don't know how that happened, but I really hope I get off the standby list into his class, he seems to be a interesting guy.

I sit next to Juan and Javier. I know I told everyone I wanted to be closer to 'my people' but I wasn't serious.

We have a translator and a ASL (sign language) person in our class. Today my teacher was doing the roll and he calls out, "Is (deaf girl's name) here?" Then he waits a minute and goes, "Oh she's deaf." And then he calls her name again.


My oceanography teacher was trying to explain to my class that George Bush is punishing California by not giving us money to repair the levees in the central valley, becasue we are a 'blue state'. He says a earthquake is gonna come to the central valley and knock out San Francisco, and we can stop it but the government won't because we aren't repubicans. I'm transfering into a bio class monday I hope.

You'd think after reading this that I'm not having any fun, but so far I'm having a pretty good time.